Memoirs of a First-Time Tinder User

My fieldnotes on a week of swiping, matching and superliking.

Okay, so I was kinda late getting onto the whole Tinder bandwagon. But better late than never right? The task (given by my fellow writers here at The Bullet) was seemingly simple: try out Tinder for a week, and write whatever the hell I want about it. Kinda like an app review. Except that it involved putting my reputation on the line and face on the internet.

I can’t say I wasn’t at all interested. I mean, it did sound fun - being able to match with others without the disappointment of rejection. But first, I had to get the app.

I downloaded it, signed in using facebook and was surprised at how easy doing up my profile was. The app automatically links Tinder and facebook together, so your profile is technically ready the moment you sign in. A girl friend told me to set my main picture as one of me hugging a dog (man’s best friend amirite?) because apparently "Girls swipe right on nice guys.”

I took her advice:

Notice the unwillingly and strategically placed doggo.

It took me awhile to get used to the app - I had so many questions: “Was it left or right, again?” “Why are there groups?” “How did I run out of likes?” But soon I got the hang of it and I’m not one to brag but by the end of the week, I managed to get a good number of matches. The dog works, guys.

So here are my seven takeaways from TINDER1101E, one for each day of the week I spent swiping left and right:

MONDAY

If you’re swiping girls, you WILL see a shit ton of dog filters.

Maybe guys do dog filters too, I have no idea; I never tried swiping guys. But my god. I never knew girls loved the dog filter THIS MUCH. Someone actually did an ‘experiment’ - out of 100 swipes, he encountered 31 pictures with the filter.

Source

That dog filter picture with an actual dog tho.

From my own experience, there were even some whose profiles contained all 5 or 6 pictures with the dog filter. I mean, at some point I had to check if I was on the right app.

TUESDAY

Putting a disclaimer regarding your interests seems to be a thing.

At first I was kinda confused, but then a friend enlightened me - apparently with the linking of facebook and Tinder, the pages you like on facebook are visible on your profile. And unsurprisingly, most people don’t want to be judged based on their past facebook likes.

Remember when everyone was liking pages like “I love the Jonas Brothers!!”? Or like “i loooove sleeping”? We were 13 and thought we were cool, and now, thanks to Tinder, these ghosts of facebook likes past are coming back to haunt us all. Still, whether we liked those pages when we were in secondary school or just last week, no one will ever know.

Not too proud of mine either.

WEDNESDAY

Superlikes are always an accident.

I’ve had a couple of accidents myself. A simple slip of the thumb while mindlessly swiping through hundreds of pictures (actually sounds kinda creepy when put in words) can result in devastating and irreversible consequences.

You’re lying down. Nope. Yep. Yep. Nope. Aw hell no. Nope. Then you look at the next profile and your brain says “Nope, left.” but your thumb’s like “Sure thing, gotcha. RIGHT.” The screen goes wild (okay I exaggerate) and blue stars appear with the word “SUPERLIKE”.

You mutter, “Shit”, under your breath and rub your eyes. You scroll through her pictures, desperately hoping that she turns out to be hot. She doesn’t. There goes your sole superlike of the day.

UPDATE:

A week has passed, and you still haven’t matched with superlike girl. It turns out that you’re not too attractive either, and even a superlike couldn’t get you that match.

THURSDAY

Guys are usually expected to make the first move.

Call it double standards, but whenever a match occurs, it’s usually the guy who first says hey(yyy ;) - depending on what you’re after). I’d like to think of this phenomenon as the Tinder mating ritual - much like a male peacock fancifully parades his feathers in hopes of attracting a female.

And believe me, I’ve tried. In the beginning, I waited to see if girls would start a conversation after a match (I’m sure some do), until I chanced upon a profile that read, “If you don’t start a conversation within 3 days, STRAIGHT UNMATCHED.” *shudders*

As you might have already been able to tell, I am a professional.

FRIDAY

Never match with the friend of a friend.

I found that out the hard way. Her profile explicitly stated: 10 connections. But this was my first week on Tinder. So I swiped right just the same. We matched, and I started talking to her:

She thought I was trying to hook up with her friend and I had a tough time explaining myself out of that one. And just in case you're wondering, nope, “I’m writing an article” doesn’t really cut it.

SATURDAY

Singaporean girls are pretty cool.

A lot of people are unbelievably boring, but if you look, or rather, swipe, hard enough, you’ll find some gems in due time.