Things Your Privileged Ass Probably Did At The Geylang Serai Bazaar
Raclette? Really?! At the Hari Raya bazaar?!
Or as we’d like to call it, Festival de Bourgeoisie.
This year, if you’re an upper-middle class citizen whose meal plan allows for overpriced non-halal food and beverages, the Geylang Serai Ramadan Bazaar 2017 is just the thing for you!
Have a vested interest in exploring Singapore’s local minority culture purely by virtue of having had that one day of Racial Harmony in school where you wore a baju kurung? Look no further! Dip your manicured toes into the shallow pool of capitalism and exploitation of cultural products and make it rain bitches!! (Bonus: it might not even be halal-certified!)
Think your weekly exclamations of “Wah, I’m damn broke this month” safely places you in the proletariat category of the population? Perhaps reflect upon your newly bought adidas NMDs and think again. Here are some power moves you might have (unknowingly) made that betray your bourgeoisie tendencies:
Paid $6 for glorified gitter water
Not sure if fasting month or pride week.
Rainbow juices? Galaxy sodas? Fairy milkshakes? Pretty sure there’s mermaid jizz somewhere in there. The bazaar practically has it all when it comes to pricey coloured liquids. Oh, but the terror does not end there. Neither are waffles, donuts, popcorn, ice cream, crepes nor even churros spared from looking like they originated from a unicorn’s ass.
In 彭嘉荣's defence, the horns do vaguely resemble dicks. #staywoke
Dressed like you’re heading to Tanjong Beach Club
With thousands of makciks in tudungs all around.
Yea we get it. Global warming is real af and Singapore, consequently, is hot af. Fair enough. But wearing your bralette/tube top/lingerie equivalents and shorts that might as well function thongs? At a Ramadan Bazaar? Maybe not your best judgement call.
Queued 30 minutes (before opening time) for a stall that’s not even Muslim-owned.
Haven’t seen this much haram since Harambe died. If you’re by any means literate and own a Facebook account, you’d know the controversy regarding the abundance of non-halal stores owned by non-Muslims.
Thoroughly enjoyed this disturbing ad
The gateway puff to nicotine addiction.
Yes, because this is precisely the kind of message we want to tell our youths. This purported “cool snack” tasting distinctly of dry ice and sugar has no holds barred when it comes to taking advantage of kids’ desire to look cool. If you’ve been lucky enough to live on a private property without having to witness underage smoking at HDB void decks, good for you and your silver spoon!
Also, “A fun joyful atmosphere” is the most unlikely thing you’ll experience at the bazaar.
'Gram it
Last but not least, like the obscenely rich kids of china, who can resist documenting their unnecessary splurge before throwing the remaining uneaten 50% into the trash? If you didn't snap a pic, were you even there, bro?
Anything we might have missed in depicting the Ramadan Bazaar’s class struggles? Let us know at thebulletcampus@gmail.com!
