There's an Excel Sheet of Post Breakup Texts Circulating the Internet
When it comes to the ex-files, pretty much everyone has something to say.
Having recently scaled the Great Wall of Facebook, I spotted something, amidst the sea of memes and thoughtcatalog articles shared, that caught my interest - a google sheet containing up to thousands of texts people want to send their exes.
While nowhere near Shakespearean level, some are as poetic as modern-day texts can get. Others....others are less on the “tears & tissues” side and lean more towards the “I’m not sorry I’m not sad that you died” side (this is an actual one); you’d be surprised about the kind of messages that can be conjured up by an ex-driven psychosis.
So have some booze ready and be prepared to get irreparably triggered as we delve into the different categories of breakup texts.
Sad / Heartbreaking
Ugh, the first set of bittersweet texts are just absolutely heart-wrenching and too, too relatable for their own good. Just, ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Spiteful / Savage
These texts might as well have been retrieved from the Dead Sea (or perhaps stolen from Taylor Swift’s personal stash of drafts) cuz they’re just oh so salty. No further need to speculate whether the breakups were amicable or not when you see the level of pettiness involved here.
Bizarre / Funny
Different strokes for different folks, I guess? Some of the texts are so out of this world that they managed to wrestle a few chuckles out of me. Here are some personal favourites.
German???
Oddly enough, German ex-texts are rather prevalent in the document, considering that most messages are predominantly in English, with a few stray ones in Korean or French. Like, there’s even a German poem thrown in there somewhere. Obviously, I have no idea what it says but hey, the Germans, in spite of their notorious hearts of stone, probably handle breakups the same way the rest of the world does, right?
If, like me, you’ve been successfully triggered and are itching to show your ex the prowess of an emotionally-unstable keyboard warrior, let us know what you’d wanna say or have a go at the excel sheet yourself!
