The 5 People You Meet in Hall

Hall Archetypes You'll 300% Come Across

You’ve either met one of them, or, let’s be real, you ARE one of them.

The Magician A.K.A the girl who pulled the old switcheroo and swapped her 2 year long NSF boyfriend out for a fellow hallmate (with hair intact) after spending a grand total of 1 week together playing “SP” games. Or the guy who supposedly joins hall with a red “traffic light colour” but somehow has his slippers outside another girl’s room halfway through the sem. In the middle of the night. With the door closed. And locked. And with moans audible from the corridor (too much?). It’s almost an artform how expeditiously and efficiently they’ve eradicated all traces of their former relationship from social media; you can’t help but wonder if even Houdini could have had come close to performing this wondrous feat.

(Source) A disappearing elephant has got nothin’ on them vanishing ex-couple pics

The Outside Boyfriend/Girlfriend Basically your neighbour’s other half whom you see more often than your actual neighbour. Heck, you see them more than you see your own parents. They make you wonder if you missed the memo about halls offering the option to BTO and feel a sort of bitter resentment at the fact that they’re basically living in your hall full-time without having to pay the same cutthroat fees. Ugh. Nonetheless, you proceed to form an uneasy, tenuous alliance as hi-bye acquaintances anyway - a relationship so fragile you’ll have no qualms completely forgetting about them once your neighbour kicks them to the curb.

(Source) The only way to stop the 3 am moans when you have an 8 am the next day

The Come-Hall-Unleash-Inner-Demons (CHUID) One Like a rubber band stretched too tight and finally snapping, a common practice of fresh meat entering hall is the adoption of all vices known to man. For the CHUIDs, the sudden absence of parental supervision feels almost like a divine revelation that there is more to the rebellious life than secretly getting a second ear piercing. It’s a slippery slope as they start to discover alcohol apart from Jolly Shandy. Next thing you know, they’re doing ten shots in a row (not within hall premises, of course) while simultaneously chain-smoking (outside of campus grounds, of course) and betting their life savings away (PAP-approved institutionalised betting, of course). You half-consider compiling a list of intervention helplines and slipping it under their door anonymously. Nonetheless, you figure that the CHUID’s impending liver failure, inescapable lung cancer and eventual accumulation of debts will get them to “wake up their idea” at some point. You decide that, for now, you could probably live with your level toilet smelling like puke every Thursday morning.

(Source) Our advice? Don’t bother.

A not-so-distant cousin of the CHUID is the “Zouk Tonight” Neighbour. Like clockwork on every Wednesday night, one might first hear slight faint echoes during hall dinners, but nothing concrete apart from whispers of scant details for their plans tonight. After that comes the formal invite - an invite in the form of a group chat blast, the list of attendees already established (and set to increase). The third phase comes before midnight - where nocturnal creatures shed their old faculty t-shirts and FBT shorts in favour of actual, presentable clothes and roam the hallways. When eye contact is made, the inevitable happens.

"Zouk tonight?”

Oh, the irresistibility of the Zouk jio.

The Supper MVP

Imagine this: it’s 3am and your stomach starts growling. The thought of having to physically prepare your own food (even if it’s just instant noodles) at this hour has you convincing yourself that you can make it till brunch tomorrow... Three BuzzFeed Tasty food videos later, you briefly consider bearing the lonesome burden of the $3.50 delivery surcharge in addition to the minimum required spending of $10, all for a late night pigging out session. Neither your mom nor your wallet (nor your body) would be happy about this. Just then, your phone buzzes and you see the light, “Who wants supper from ____? Order closes in 15 mins.” #yaaaaas The Supper MVP truly is a gift from the heavens. Taken for granted most of the time, their job scope covers it all: everything from initial order-taking, number coordination, food acquisition all the way to disbursement and distribution. Your heart (and stomach) can’t help but feel full thanks to their unyielding duty to supper procurement for the rest of the block. The biggest MVPs though, also say, “eh nevermind, can pay me another time”. Tears, there are tears in my eyes.

Simple breakdown of the The Supper MVP’s role

The Oily One

Count yourself lucky if your hall has only one of these. The guy who’s constantly on the prowl for anything in a skirt, the guy who triggers your allegedly non-existent gag reflex (vis-à-vis your Tinder profile), and the guy who tries to hit on 2 of your friends before hitting on you (and subsequently your other friend). Essentially, the guy who’s so oily Trump may soon want to do business with him. A note of caution not to slip whenever you walk past his greasy ass.