NUS was ranked best uni in Asia. Here’s a list of other rankings we will definitely top
Talk about over-achieving.
You would have probably heard that recently, NUS was ranked the top university in Asia by The 2017 Times Higher Education (THE) Asia University Rankings. More than 300 universities were ranked based on criteria involving core missions – teaching, research, knowledge transfer and international outlook. But being NUS students ourselves, we know that these 4 areas aren’t the only ones that our university is the best at. From infrastructure to food, and transport to camps, we listed down 5 lists that, should they exist, NUS would be sure to top:
Rankings of universities with the most number of stairs
We might as well have been called the National University of Stairs. Business students, you guys know what we mean. We're talking about those damn stairs from the Business Library to the canteen. Why does NTU organise their vertical marathon at Swissotel when we can do one here for free? Why can’t we be more like SMU, which has a shit ton of escalators?
And perhaps you’re thinking, “Well, SMU’s buildings are newer, so maybe that’s why they have more escalators.” And to that our reply is, “Well, have you seen THIS SHIT in UTown (opened in 2011, by the way)?”
It’s the climb.
Also, this:
Just ONE escalator? I’m sorry, did we run out of funds or space?
Rankings of universities with the most pervasive Ayam Penyet culture
Okay, to be fair, given that Ayam Penyet comes from Indonesia and we haven’t exactly done our research, this might seem a bit over the top. But you know what else is over the top? Having an Ayam Penyet stall in every faculty (and 2 in UTown!).
By the way, don’t get us wrong - we love ourselves some good ol’ Ayam Penyet (especially the one at Science). We especially enjoy hearing the makcik at The Deck asking us, “Sayang, what you want to order?” and the other makcik at foodclique speaking mandarin.
Shoutout to SUTD’s meme page!
It seems like no matter where you choose to go, there’s always a stall nearby to tempt you into ruining your diet and ordering a plate of super fried chicken paired with a ton of carbs. Who needs KFC when you have Ayam Penyet?
Ordering brown rice with Ayam Penyet is like ordering the salad at McDonald’s -
sure, it’s on the menu, but the auntie is gonna give you a weird look, sayang.
Rankings of universities with the shittiest internal shuttle bus rides
It’s 1.30pm and you’ve just ended your lesson. Your next lecture is at UTown, so you head out to the bus stop opposite CLB. “We ended 5 minutes early so everyone else is probably still in class. Nooice.”
You reach the bus stop at 1.32pm. No bus. A few minutes pass. Still no bus. You look at your watch - it’s 1.37pm - and people start walking up towards the bus stop. “Please.” you mutter a silent prayer to the “CLB - UTown Direct” bus gods.
Alas, your prayer has fallen on deaf ears. At 1.40pm, D1 arrives, packed with BIZ students. You ask yourself, “Is it better to risk being late or to squeeze in and end up grinding some sweaty dude as the crowds push him against me?”
Such are the questions that NUS students pose to themselves on a daily basis - “Why the hell is the bus jerking so much?” “Can that asshole just move to the back of the bus already?” and “Is that that a banana in this guy’s pocket or is he just happy to be bumping against me?”
Accurate depiction of Bus D1 at the UTown bus stop, only no one is smiling or waving.
And it doesn’t help that the university was built on a ridge, with the terrain looking like a friggin’ motocross track, so what was meant to be a bus ride across campus becomes a crossover between the 'The Mummy' ride at USS and a Friday night at Zouk. Minus the churros and DJ Ghetto. Why pay to enter for a night out when you can grinded (ground?) in A1 for free?
Perfect landscape for Asia’s top university.
Rankings of universities with the most conservative orientation camps
After the entire fiasco last year, we’re making a prediction that this year’s orientation camps are gonna be hella toned down. Forget the overtly-sexualised games, because NUS has wised up and the 2017 camps will be suited for people of all ages. Hell, invite your grandparents and your little cousins, we don’t care. There’s word going around that this year, camp organisers will probably stick to games like 'chapteh' and 'whacko'.
This picture can either be a throwback to whenever the hell this was,
or an artist’s impression of this year’s orientation games.
Because our past 18 years of pre-university education and life experiences apparently haven’t taught us how to say no when we’re pressured to do something uncomfortable. Our Social Studies and/or Civics Moral Education teachers must be so proud. And blushing when hearing references “to the male anatomy”? What, are we in our secondary 2 'sex-ed' class?
In Singapore, 18 year-olds can’t smoke and can’t say no to seniors but can drive a car.
Rankings of universities with the most number of buildings with fanciful names but unknown purposes
We've all seen buildings like CREATE in UTown and the Shaw Foundation Alumni House and asked our friends, "Eh, what's that ah?". And the reply usually goes along the lines of "Oh probably some research thing." Unfortunately, in this article, we don't provide any answers either. What we do in this article is a whole lot of bitching.
What the heck is Ventus? The only things we know about it are that it has a (slightly) hidden Humble Origins cafe and it has something to do with “University Campus Infrastructure”. And the Kent Ridge Guild House? We’re starting to sound more like a Final Fantasy Map than a university.
As mysterious as it is swanky.
The Icube building. We don’t know much about it, but we do know it’s a nice place with nice people.
Anything you feel like we missed out on? Let us know down below if you’ve got any ideas on rankings that NUS will defo top! Or if you’ve got an interesting story on campus that you wanna share or want us to cover, drop us an email at thebulletcampus@gmail.com!
