The Phases of a Week 12 All-Nighter
You right now.
The only piece you’ll be doing all night long.
We’ve all been there, living life on the raggedy edge. The semester’s philosophy of “Due Tomorrow, Do Tomorrow” has finally caught up with you. It’s time to take a good, long and hard look at how an epic night of searching for synonyms to “It could be argued that” will unfold. And seeing how “hell week” in NUS has just passed for most of us I’m pretty sure that many of you were facing this same scenario (to the sad few who still are facing all-nighters this week all I can say is HAHAHAHA).
Anyway, your essay is due tomorrow, 10am but you’ve got a writer’s block the size of the D1 bus. Let’s prolong that suffering by taking a step back and seeing how exactly you got yourself in this position.
(The irony of it all is that the writer is taking an all-nighter to write this article.)
Phase 1: Conviction (6pm - 7pm)
You 3 hours ago
You’re tapping away at the keyboard like Stevie Wonder tickles those ebonies and ivories. Except, of course you probably can’t play the piano, and you’re not blind. If you are blind, please drop us an email on how you’re reading this, I genuinely want to know. Anyway, if you continue writing at this rate you’ll be done in no time. 733 words, look you’re almost halfway through!
Playing on Spotify: Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
Phase 2: Nutrition (7pm - 9pm)
(Source)
Stress calories don’t count right?
Man… All this smart brain stuff is making you hungry. And after all, an army runs on its stomach, and you, late night warrior, deserve some food. Thus begins your epic 20 minute back and forth of:
Searching for something to eat
Opening the fridge door
Realising there’s nothing to eat
Closing the fridge door and going back to your room
Repeating from step one
Eh screw it it’s dinner time. Let’s take a break anyway.
Playing on Spotify: Lazy Song – Bruno Mars
Phase 3: Facebook Break (9pm - 11pm)
Real life time machine
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, or… Jill a dull girl, it’s 2017 and we’re pretty inclusive here at The Bullet. Which is where I’m sure you would end up while taking a much-deserved Facebook break after hitting the 1000 word mark. Or was 800? It’s pretty much 1000, right?
Either way, it seems like a decent time to see how your ex is doing. Oh, they’ve got a new dog, cute. Oh wait, it’s not their dog, who’s Sam? Screw them, what about that cutie in your philosophy tutorial? Or that hot tutor you saw at The Deck? Oh look, cat memes! Oh look, it’s 11pm.
Playing on Spotify: Deep Focus Playlist – Spotify
Phase 4: Panic (11pm - 12am)
You in 5 minutes
Oh crap… This was supposed to be done by now. It’s ok if you just knuckle down and crap some words out it’s gonna be ok, you’re almost halfway there, 800 words… is not half way there, oh shit… Where are your notes from week 7? Was that the week you skipped lectures and didn’t read the readings? Stupid week 7 you, how would they have known week 13 you would need those notes?
Playing on Spotify: God Must Hate Me – Simple Plan
Phase 5: YouTube Break (12am - 2am)
Source How young you were when you started the essay
Ok, you’ve made some progress, time to take a short break. Let’s just watch one video. Oh! It’s that guy who raps about a cucumber. WahBanana just released a new video, hmm what’s that under suggested videos? Cute cat jumps into box? More cat videos, and another, and another and it’s now 2am.
Playing on Spotify: PAUSED
Phase 6: Actually Doing Your Damn Essay (2am - ???)
Source Not quite you yet.
The phone has been flung across the room and the internet has been turned off, it’s just you, the computer and 901 more words to some good sleep. But it’s alright, you’re gonna do it, you have to. Momma didn’t raise a quitter. You squeeze out every last synonym you know, change every “despite” into “in spite of” just for the word count.
Playing on Spotify: Let’s Get Down to Business – Mulan Soundtrack
Phase 8: Completion (7am)
sadtruth.com
You did it! Reward yourself with some good breakfast and a maybe a nap, I mean after all you’ve got time. It’s not like there’s going to be long queue at the library print shop, I mean what are the chances that all the modules are having submissions on the same day right? Heh…
Playing on Spotify: Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen
Phase 9: Submission (9:55am)
Source Meh… it’s the thought that counts
After queueing for what seemed like an hour for the only computer in the print shop that doesn’t work you’ve got your script in hand, running to the subject office to drop your paper in the pigeon hole. You bid the good paper sayonara as it slides into the little post box. You breathe a sigh of relief as you see that you’re not the last one submitting, your friend makes a passing comment on how she hated having to reference using the mandatory APA style. You hold back tears as you realise you used footnotes all along.
Playing on Spotify: Jesus Take The Wheel – Carrie Underwood
Do you have any crazy all-nighter stories? Let us know about some bad situations you’ve been in down in the comments or by submitting a story!
