The Life Cycle of a University Student
NUS Students, This Is Your Life.
Ah, the end of the semester. Always a good time to sit back and reflect on how it has gone by. No time to be pensive? Here at The Bullet, we’ve got you covered. Here are your thirteen weeks summed up in a tidy article.
Week 1: Motivation
This is it, as you stare into your reflection in the mirror. No more nonsense. This is THE semester to pull up my CAP, eat right, and exercise. And maybe solve the energy crisis and crush ISIS in my spare time.
Leggo.
I would pull my socks up but I only wear sandals to classes.
Week 2: Confusion
Whoa did the first week just happen? Oh well, the semester hasn’t really begun yet, there’s still twelve more weeks ahead. All in good time.
Week 3: Denial (not a river in Egypt)
Tutorials only start this week. The semester starts now.
Week 4: Procrastination
It’s IFG/IHG/ICG season, no time for studyi-, oh wait, you don’t even play sports. You think getting out of bed counts as a sit-up.
Hmmmm, but if everyone is busy with the competition, it means no one is studying as well. So, in the grander scheme of things, the bell curve will even everything out. Excellent.
Forget fresh series like 13 Reasons Why, you’re gonna end up bingeing on F.R.I.E.N.D.S anyway.
Week 5: Rest and Recovery
Well, the competitions were exhausting. You deserve a good rest. Adopt position as depicted above.
Week 6: False Sense of Security
Recess week is around the corner, why study now when you can study in a week’s time without the distraction of lectures? Relac lah.
Week 7: Anxiety
Whooooooooa, we're halfway there!
But wait, did you do anything during recess week? Nope.
Enough of the false dawns. The semester starts NOW. One way or another, you have to drag your bruised and battered ass across the finish line like an Asian doctor on a United Airlines flight.
Also me when I'm forced to go to classes on a Monday after recess week.
Week 8: Pain
3 mid-term papers, 2 assignments. Could this get any worse? (SPOILER ALERT: Yes.)
After this week's debacle, the only thing left to do is damage control. Do your best impression of Russel Crowe in A Beautiful Mind and begin calculating how well you have to do in order to scrape through to get a pass.
If I S/U this module, I have a 127% chance of flunking this semester.
Week 9: Reckless Abandonment
You worked so hard for the mid-terms, maybe there's time to take a breather.
Clubbing? I haven’t been to Poptart, in like, a month?!
A little online shopping never hurt anybody right?
Anyway, when all else fails, maybe you can cut it out as a micro-influencer on social media. Or maybe not. Not with that face.
Being a preacher though, that's an idea.
Great savings in the supermarket can’t save my semester.
Week 10: Fear
The first double-digit week. Shit just got serious. Wasn’t it Week 3 just two weeks ago?
Time to hit the library. For once in the semester. Does it always smell like body odour and death, though?
Week 11: Rage
There is a hell. And it goes by the name of Group Projects. And it's alright, it's a mere 40% to your overall grade.
There will be plenty of wailing and gnashing of teeth as you're forcibly grouped with people who make you question how they even got into University in the first place.
And of course, you can't do any other assignments in the midst of the group projects. Don't be ridiculous.
Week 12: Depression
Lament at how the professors give “unreasonable deadlines" for Week 13 assignments, although the assignment was issued in Week 4.
Your pathetic requests for a deadline extension has been denied. As how Lionel Ritchie puts it, it's assignments All Night Long.
Crunch time, munch time! Don't forget to stock up on your midnight comfort foods. And the Golden Ratio of One Snack to A Half Hour of Work.
Week 13: Vindication
Assignment Submission Week. Pure bliss.
Get the hell out of there before the graduating cohort gets all sappy and nostalgic as they leave their classrooms.
Oh wait, you still have the pleasant business of the Final Exams. Huzzah!
Rinse and Repeat. Continue process until graduation (if you even make it that far).
