Results Day: From NUS Registrar’s Communications With Love
Repeat after me: Results don’t matter.
Here at The Bullet, we like to provide reminders that are totally uncalled for to our valued readers. Here is one such reminder:
Just like that, we have ruined your weekend. You’re welcome. It’s not like you would have checked your university email anyway. And we’re probably still not as annoying as the professors who insist on calling out on your incompetencies through a slew of post-mortems via e-mail. Whatever happens in the exam hall stays in the exam hall, right, RIGHT? *Cue results slip*
29 May people! Cue the pangs of anxiety! Would the Bell Curve Gods finally take pity on you? Would it be one of the could-have-beens semesters? Would you start feeling remorseful about how you idled the semester away with mindless Netflix series? OMG, 13 Reasons Why blatantly condones suicide, and people still watch it??? And how dare they cast a straight rich white male for the role of the Iron Fist!
Also, people from Computing, SDE, and Business, you have been spared from Doomsday by TWO WHOLE HOURS. O Registry Circular Manager, how merciful you are.
The New iPhone 8, now equipped with waterproof Gorilla Glass that insulates your phone from tears.
Ah, the futuristic SMS service that delivers your results to you the first thing in the morning. Technology is amazing. What is the school going to conjure up next, a mobile phone application that incorrectly displays the bus arrival times just so that they can f*** with you?
We all know that feeling. Getting a morning text telling you that you gotten a C for a module is like having a drunken night out and waking up next to a 50 year-old man in your bed. A few moments of shock and a few minutes of crying will follow, but ultimately, you realise that you only have yourself to blame.
It’s just me, then? Moving on...
Mind you, the SMS service is not for the faint-hearted. Go ahead, try it if you dare. Then again, why not take the more common route that is denial instead?
Then again, due to this writer’s lackadaisical attitude to article deadlines, the moment to sign up for the service has already passed.
Where is the link to quit university?
Then there’s the pleasant business of the S/U option. With such grades, you’d probably wish that there’s an S/U option on life itself. And if you’re one of those who wonders aloud if you should S/U an A- grade, there’s a special place in hell reserved for you.
(Cf. the photo before the last)
As for the Freshmen, you have had almost a year of S/Us up for grabs. Don’t even start complaining.
It’s good that our ministers often emphasise that degrees don’t matter as much as skills. Now, where can I find myself some skills?
Any interesting personal stories to share about exams and/or results? Let us know at thebulletcampus@gmail.com!
