Places In NUS You Must See, By The Fastest Person To Visit Them All
Wander Woman and her Wanderlust.
Summer has begun, never mind that it is technically summer all year round here on this tropical island. School's out, and everyone’s gallivanting off to far-flung corners of the earth (Read: Bangkok, Bali, and Taipei). Deep down, this petty author is seething with envy as he scrolls through countless of flat-lays and bikini shots on Instagram. To add on to that, you have people like Cassie De Pecos aka the fastest person to visit EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY in the whole world. That is some serious first-world bullshit right there.
And then there is me, someone who is too poor to even make the trip across the Causeway to capitalise on the more-than-favourable exchange rate. When is it my turn to be like my homeboy Pitbull aka MR. WORLDWIDE and quench my wanderlust that is only exacerbated by my voyeuristic tendencies on social media?
But hey, belonging in the poor-geois class is something not to be ashamed of. And where better to begin than the campus itself? University is so much more than just lectures, right??? In a bid to emulate the oh-so-brave Cassie, this author has traveled to every corner of the hallowed Kent Ridge campus (anywhere else is just too far, sorry) to bring you, the dear reader, the best places that every NUS student must visit.
Yes, crossing over to Utown counts as going overseas.
But...
Shut up.
Most Populous: NUS Bus
Why? “That unique blend of anxiety and humidity is best experienced in the 9.45am bus, all sealed tightly in an enclosed area to retain the aroma. They have thought this through with such an intelligent design.”
Because it’s our fault that your transportation system is inefficient.
Most Authentic Food: Ayam Penyet Stalls
Why? “Throw a stone anywhere across campus and chances are, you’ll find a stall that whips up this delectable dish of smash fried chicken with sambal dipping sauce. Lemme smash takes on a whole new meaning with this bad baby around.”
Astute readers of The Bullet will spot that this image has been used in a previous article before; see if you can spot it!
*Even more astute readers will call out this author’s lame attempt to garner more readership on this pokey “news” site. You win this round.
Most Peaceful/Religious: Examination Halls
Why? “Witness the fervent prayers that always occur before an exam. And you thought that the campus was meant to be secular.”
Does feeding the recycle bins with used notes constitute as paper offerings to the bell curve gods?
Most Romantic: Handicapped Toilet Cubicles
Why? “There’s nothing to get your heart pulsating like the possibility of getting caught when you’re busy getting down with your partner. Intercourse is indeed the best course on offer.”
Toilets are cleaner than you think. Even the bins here are labelled as ‘SANITARY’.
Most Atas: Utown Stephen Riady Swimming Pool
Why? “The infinity pool illusion is Instagram-worthy beyond compare. I don’t think there’s anywhere in Singapore quite like this.”
Stock photo here because this author has yet to attain an enviable summer bod.
Most Ulu: King Edward VII Hall
Why? "Nestled within the backyard of the Kent Ridge Campus, the dense foliage from its surroundings makes any traveller feel one with nature. Be sure to spot the abundant Hemidactylus frenatus (that’s the cicak or lizard to you and me) scampering all about as well.”
Where’s Waldo: Hall Edition.
Most Mysterious: Ventus
Why? “Uncover one of the campus’s best-kept secrets as you explore what is possibly the most redundant buildings around. Other than being a necessary transition point to the Kent Ridge Terminal, scientists to this day are still unclear of the actual use of the building, and as to why it has such a pretentious name.”
Nope, still no idea what it’s supposed to be.
Most Exotic: NUS Camps
Why? “Immerse yourself in the raw indigenous culture of the Orient(ation) by witnessing these bizarre annual rituals. Marvel at their incessant unintelligible chanting that anthropologists hypothesise to stem from long-forgotten paganistic fertility rituals. Truly remarkable.”
They’re savages, they don’t know any better.
Bet you can’t wait to hit the campus once more, eh?
Anything you think we missed out on? Any idea what the hell the Ventus building is used for? Let us know at thebulletcampus@gmail.com!
