How Modules Should Be Allocated Instead Of The Darned CORS

Attention, NUS Registrar’s Office.

Here at The Bullet, we understand the pains that each NUS student has to go through biannually. Now, here we are after a healthy dose of a summer break, back at the mercy of CORS, the forsaken lovechild of the unholy triumvirate of gambling, COE bidding, and an all-rounded fuckery dished out by Murphy’s law.

The Centralised Online Registration System (or simply, CORS) is probably acronymed as such because the process is anything but smooth. We all tremble at the thought of undergoing the ordeal of carefully constructing the perfect timetable only to watch it crumble because you got outbidded for a GEM during closed bidding. Besides, why is it called an appeal system when there’s nothing appealing to it?

One kind YouTuber, yeohda, has even managed to surmise the incredulity of the bidding system:

"NUS' CORS Explained"

We hear your wails and teeth-gnashing, dear reader. And because here at The Bullet, we’re all about building a better mousetrap. Here are some other creative methods that NUS should use to allocate modules for us students:

Dance-off

Many often question the relevance of the dancing component of RAG. In case you don’t already know, NUS organizes the Receive-And-Give event annually and rewards the public for their generous donations with… wait for it… a dance performance and a float. And no, it’s not the delicious sweet treat that one can get at A&W; it’s one that’s crafted out of papier-mâché and “recycled materials”. Well, those sick dance moves borrowed from RAG that you have learnt unwillingly during Orientation Week can finally be put to good use as you drop it down low and wipe the dance floor with your opponents and walk away with the last remaining slot of the module that you want.

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Will Uma Thurman or John Travolta prevail to get that GEM2139 mod?

Queuing

It is a well-cited fact that queuing is the nation’s favourite pastime. After all, us sad sods are willing to queue at The Deck’s supposedly-acclaimed Yong Tau Foo stall for half an hour for some measly pieces of fermented bean cuboids swimming in brine. So here’s a fantastic solution - put up booths for each module at the Field; you’ll see queues snaking up in no time. People will even be camping overnight (of the non-sexual variety, relax) in the faint hopes of getting that module with only ten vacancies but oversaturated with 324 bidders. And this is definitely more transparent than the overly-convoluted open/closed bidding rounds from CORS.

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Look at these Yong Tau Fools.

Number of Followers on Instagram

With all the sosher-influencer-wannabes clamouring for more and more Instagram followers, we should let these numbers actually mean something in real life. Why do you need 25 000 followers; Jesus only had twelve and He turned out pretty fine. The premise is simple here - the more followers you have on your social media accounts, the higher your bidding priority will be. One will have the rare opportunity of seeing your favourite instagram model like you’ve never seen before - bed hair and no makeup (by that I mean no makeup at all, not that “no-makeup” look bullshit) at a 10am lecture. That is, if they even turn up for classes at all. Or if you have enough followers to even be in the same class as them.

Throw all your module plan(k)s out of the window.

CAP-off, or, Meritocracy Is The Core Pillar Of This Nation

You’ve worked your ass off the past semester and for what, just to get some cushy pen job that earns you $2 500 a month (before CPF and taxes). You, the CAP Fiver, deserve so much better than some pokey accolade and a book voucher. NUS should prioritize you over the Second-Upper plebeians when allocating modules. And who cares about anyone else lower than that? You should get all your first choices for your modules, so that you can maximise your potential with a three-day study week in the following semester. After all, you’ve earned it.

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Not in picture: This Author.

CAP-off 2.0, The Socialist Redistributive Alternative For The Academically-Challenged

The 2.0 in the title not only refers to an improvement on the earlier system, it is a sad reminder of your current CAP as well. And here at The Bullet, we are so woke, we offer alternatives to the alternatives that we have suggested. We’ve flipped the earlier point on its head; the lower your CAP, the higher your bidding priority will be. Because let’s face it, you need all the intervention you can get in order to get your shit together. Maybe, just maybe, if you are not forced to take that module on Classical Chinese Philosophy due to the dearth of Breadths out there that can fit your overstuffed timetable, you may just pass everything in the coming semester. Don’t say NUS never give chance hor. #bestinasiabutnotelitist

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Yep, you’ll definitely need as much help as you can get.

Trial By Combat

Probably the most brutal yet entertaining on the list here. Too many people bidding for the same module? LET THEM FIGHT. And I’m not talking about a lame-ass McGregor vs Mayweather face-off. I’m talking about Fighting To The Death. NUS can probably consider installing a Colosseum within the campus and rake in ticket sales at the start of each semester. We probably can do without Flag, saving us from the abuse during Flag Day hurled from the public disgusted at our sex camps. The Trial by Combat can even thin out the NUS population in a Malthusian Catastrophe-esque manner. Very soon, we no longer have to deal with snuggling up next to Mr. Body Odour on the peak-hour A1.