What NUS Should Have Spent $8 Million Dollars On Instead Of Dinosaur Bones

To see fossils in action, simply turn and look at your lecturer instead.

In 2015, our fossil of a campus unveiled its newest addition to the campus: the Lee Kong Chian Natural History Museum (or LKCNHM, the second most unsexiest acronym ever, right after LKYSPP). The stars of the museum were 3 lovely ladies named Prince, Apollonia and Twinky. No, they weren’t drag queens or strippers (thanks, natural history), but three diplodocid sauropod dinosaurs - among the biggest creatures to walk the earth 150 million years ago (but not as big as the drunk girl who fell on you at Zouk last night)

Naturally, a purchase this big could only be passed when it has been proven that it would benefit as many people as possible. A quick survey of the people sitting around us during lecture showed that only 1 out of 10 people had been to the museum – because here at the Bullet, we care deeply about research integrity.

Since the fossils are sitting (standing) at the museum collecting dust, here are other ways the money could have been spent:

4 Million McChickens

Food, our favourite way of grasping the concept of money. 4 million McChickens is a lot of food, and is guaranteed to feed a lot of hungry students. At 8 million dollars, one would expect the bones to grant divine powers like a good old Tongkat Ali pill. However, when it comes to dietary returns, Prince, Apollonia and Twinky are like secretly anorexic teens – they don’t eat, but going out with them still costs you money.

More Shuttle Buses

Japan has their peak hour trains, and NUS has their shittle…I mean shuttle buses. Guaranteed to be packed at any time of the day, with irregular arrival timings and Formula One trained bus drivers thrown into the mix, travelling from University Town to any other part of campus can feel like an incredibly daunting experience. Some days, even taking a grab without a promo feels like an attractive option when comparing to squeezing on the bus with minimal handrails and loads of sweaty bodies.

8 million dollars is more than enough to cover the bus rental and salaries of the bus driver. A basic pay of $2000 can cover 4000 month's (or 300 years) worth of work. In comparison, what work do the dinosaurs do?

A Bullet idea: GrabHitch fellow students around campus during your 2 hour break.

Give 80 000 Textbooks To Students (To Throw At Your Professor)

Tired of professors assigning compulsory textbooks that have their names printed on the cover? Tired of carrying the textbook to class only for the professor to reference two lines in one entire chapter? Wish the dinosaurs would march over and eat your professor up, Jurassic Park mode? Fear not, because with $8 million you can literally purchase the entire Co-Op and never have to use Carousell and avoid meeting slimey creeps who want books for boobs. Ever so charitable and passionate about giving back, NUS could provide the textbooks their professors have so kindly assigned to students as well.

But nothing will ever beat the satisfaction of watching your professor dodge and duck from the oncoming onslaught of textbooks while he/she drones on. I LOVED YOUR TEXTBOOK SO MUCH SO HERE ARE 80 000 COPIES OF IT!

The Professor’s body was never found...

Are you afraid of punishments or repercussions? Nah. You, along with the school, has just secured their tenure and made them a tidy sum in royalties. You better aim properly to make your money worth it then.

A House Along Heng Mui Keng Terrace

We know it is a stretch to imagine that the money would be controlled by us, The Bullet, but the harshness of reality has never bothered us anyway. The name Heng Mui Keng has always evoked a sense of dread to all Business and Computing students, so naturally buying a bungalow on that road would be the best way to face their fears. A detached house within the vicinity costs a measly $5.8 million dollars. Why bother with shuttle buses when you can walk to school AND potentially collect rent money each month while living like a dope ass rapper?