The Bullet Attempts the PDPA Module in its Entirety
To Boldly Go Where No Man (or Woman) Has Gone Before
PDPA? No, The Bullet isn’t doing an opinion piece on the controversial People’s Democratic Party of Afghanistan. Instead, we are covering something that you’ll probably actually care a little about (shame on you).
Look, the Personal Data Protection Act has been in effect in this country since 2012. And it is heartening to see NUS taking a proactive approach in protecting the personal information of its community. It is even more pertinent in light of the Equifax security breach that has affected the credit reports of almost one in two Americans. Obviously, NUS is not impervious to cyber-security threats. We at The Bullet were at the forefront of journalism when we reported the cyber attacks ONE DAY BEFORE THE STRAITS TIMES. Aren’t you proud of me now, Dad?
But still, knowing NUS students, is shoving a mandatory module down their throats the best way to communicate your vital message across? Come on NUS, you’re better than this.
NUS does not care about public shaming. You know who to blame for this now.
Fear not, for this brave Bullet writer has undergone the ordeal (THE FULL HALF HOUR) so you know what to expect before you even begin the online course. How hard can it be?
Note to self: avoid making juvenile sexual DP references.
Upon starting on the online course, You’ll first be greeted by this robotic yet strangely soothing and sensual female voice. Not my proudest fap.
Also, don’t even bother trying to fast-forward the narration, you can’t. You simply can’t. You’ll just have to sit through the whole auditory experience accompanied by meaningless icons until they tell you to click a glowing button.
An actual picture of me undergoing the module.
After some confounding role-playing scenarios (and not even the kinky sort), the slides decided to stop with the tease and got straight down to business.
A fair warning to the stalkers out there. That sneaky photo you took of your crush, and that lock of his/her hair that you’ve saved, all these have to go now.
There were interesting nuggets of information along the way as well:
Hey, at least I know how the NUS President looks like now. Thank you, DP1001! #shouldbemypresident
THE BULLET TOP TIP: NEVER PRESS “BACK”.
I tried pressing “back” at this slide for shits and giggles but the system made me sit through the whole narration of the slide. AGAIN.
Technically though, one can press the menu button and skip through right until the end. But where's the fun in that?
Sadly, this module was also founded on two of the aforementioned three principles.
Like Olivia Newton-John, the slides began to get quizzical, quizzical. This was a scenario regarding a student needing medical attention being knocked over by a bus. Which is pretty realistic, given how the bus drivers seem to be incentivised by needless engine revs.
Getting the first question correct was more exciting than I had thought.
FINALLY!
Whoa, we’re halfway there, Whoa-oh, primitive software!
After awhile, I noticed that the presentation is laden with stock images.
Hey look, it’s the elusive University grass patch gathering! Doesn’t look that multi-ethnic though.
Shit started to get serious at this stage, as the slide forewarned the perils of violating the sacred PDPA. Even the Jonas Brothers did not guard their virginity that jealously.
Now you see why NUS is so concerned. That’s like the tuition fees from three students down the drain.
At this point, I just wanted it to end. NOW. This feels no different from a regular 8am lecture. And just when I thought it would never end, the Boss Level appeared. The only thing that separated me from success and failure was the quiz. 5 Questions. 4 Options. Half an hour wasted.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get your first A in NUS.
What have I learnt from this ordeal? Nothing much, other than the fact that this well-intended measure ends up as a mere exercise of going through the motion. Oh well, some may retort and say that I should come up with a better solution, rather than criticize the hard working folks who prepared this module. But maybe, just maybe, one may learn more about the subject by reading this article, instead of doing the module itself. See what I did there?
*MIC DROP*
However, just as I was completing this comprehensive analysis of my experience on this online module, I received a text from a group chat:
No info-graphic can capture how foolish I feel right now.
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The Bullet would like to remind all students to complete the DP1001 module by 10 December 2017.
Also, do let us know your experience with the module at thebulletcampus@gmail.com and while you’re at it, hit us up on Instagram @thebulletcampus. We promise not to make it mandatory.
The PUNisher is a student at the University with the Best Campus Life. He’s anorexic, agnostic, and was abused as a kid; so Eat, Pray, Love is definitely not an option. He likes pina coladas and getting songs stuck in people’s’ head. The PUNisher has had his calling in life, but unfortunately left it to voicemail.
